Are you so eager to please other people that you’re actually swindling them?
I am a liar,
because when I sense
your expectations of me,
I automatically
pretend to be that person
you seem to be looking for.
I am a fraud,
because the longer
I keep pretending,
the further I get
from my natural gifts.
I am my own killer,
because over time
I forget
my natural gifts
in order to inhabit
the painted shell
of a being
who no longer exists.
Just an empty shell,
with no gifts to offer
but the twisted perceptions
of some else’s expectations.
Perceptions that may never have been true.
I should’ve listened to me
instead of guessing about you.
Trail Wood,
2/14
The Dissonance of Self-Betrayal
The poignant confession of being a liar, a fraud, and one’s own killer captures the profound dissonance and pain of self-betrayal. This narrative unfolds the tragic journey of losing oneself in the pursuit of meeting others’ expectations, a path that leads not to fulfillment but to the erosion of one’s authentic essence and gifts. It’s a stark exploration of the cost of sacrificing authenticity for approval, a cost paid in the currency of one’s true identity and potential.
The Liar Within
The admission of being a liar, not in the traditional sense of deceit over factual matters but in the existential act of pretending to be someone else, unveils the complexity of social interactions and the pressure to conform. This form of lying is a defense mechanism, a way to navigate the expectations perceived in the eyes of others, but it comes at the price of one’s authenticity. It’s a mirror reflecting the chasm between who one is and who one feels compelled to be.
The Fraudulence of Pretense
The declaration of being a fraud underscores the insidious nature of prolonged pretense. It speaks to the slow, often imperceptible, drift away from one’s natural gifts and inclinations towards a persona crafted for acceptance. This fraudulent existence is marked not by malicious intent but by a tragic misalignment with one’s core being, a misalignment that widens with every moment spent inhabiting this constructed identity.
The Self as the Slayer
The metaphor of being one’s own killer is a powerful articulation of the ultimate consequence of this self-denial—the complete forsaking of one’s natural gifts in favor of a hollow imitation. This act of self-destruction is not sudden but gradual, a fading away of the vibrant essence of one’s true self until only a painted shell remains. It’s a poignant reminder of the violence we inflict upon ourselves when we abandon our authenticity for the illusion of belonging or acceptance.
The Empty Shell of Lost Potential
The imagery of an empty shell, devoid of gifts and filled only with the twisted perceptions of another’s expectations, captures the emptiness and futility of a life lived inauthentically. It’s a life where the unique contributions one might have offered to the world are sacrificed on the altar of conformity, leaving behind a being who no longer recognizes themselves or the source of their worth.
The Path Not Taken
The closing reflection, the realization that one should have listened to oneself rather than attempting to divine and meet the expectations of others, is a lament for the path not taken. It’s an acknowledgment that the key to fulfillment and integrity lies not in external validation but in an inward journey of self-discovery and acceptance. This realization, though laden with regret, also holds the seed of redemption—the possibility of reclaiming one’s lost gifts and authenticity.
Summary
This exploration of the liar, the fraud, and the self-killer within us presents a profound meditation on the consequences of forsaking authenticity for approval. It serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of losing oneself in the pursuit of meeting others’ expectations, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and the courage to live authentically. In the end, the journey back to one’s natural gifts and true self is marked by the willingness to listen to one’s inner voice, to honor one’s essence, and to resist the temptation to become someone else for the sake of acceptance.
In the quest for authenticity, how do we navigate the pressures of societal expectations without losing sight of our true selves? How do we reclaim our natural gifts and live a life that is genuinely our own?
Leave a Reply