“How do I make myself care?”
I come to work most days not because I want to, but because I have to. The practicalities of life seem to dictate that I must contribute in some meaningful way in exchange for the support that I perceive that those who depend upon me need.
But what exactly is meaningful? Does it matter whether my contributions are meaningful to me? Is it wrong to expect my employers to create an environment in which I derive satisfaction or is it my responsibility to find my OWN environment?
I tend to think it’s the latter. Nothing is keeping me here. Furthermore, I see little indication that my efforts are even valued by my employer. This leaves me feeling even LESS meaningful.
So it is up to ME to find meaning, if meaning is what I truly desire.
Of course, I may be reading the situation incorrectly. My employer may value me a great deal, while my own insecurities tell me otherwise. This may very well be the case. But in EITHER case, the only one I can count on to bring harmony to myself is me.
Even if I were lauded at every turn, I’m not sure that I would find satisfaction in this job. So again, it’s up to ME to find my own happiness, either that, or allow that I am not satisfied in this area of my life, but recognizing that there are many other aspects of my life that this particular aspect makes possible.
Now I do recognize that my presence DOES influence my situation. My outward attitude is not only a reflection of my inner attitude, it also has the ability to influence it. There is NO NEED for me to be negative in my workplace environment, even if I do not allow myself any satisfaction from being there.
Is there the potential for satisfaction? There certainly is, such as in the way I affect the moods of others around me. Helping others remain positive makes me feel good. Turning others over to the dark side makes me feel not so good. There is NO NEED for this.
A negative attitude will NEVER effect positive change. I can either remove myself from the situation or help myself and others make the most of it.
This is where my hope lies, and probably why I cling to this job, besides the afforementioned “necessity.”
I still believe that positivity can turn the tide, and I am using this less-than-optimal situation as proof to myself.
In that manner, my job isn’t half bad. It still all comes back to the faith I have in myself. Keeping the faith. It’s the only way to make myself care.
I don’t know why I just wrote all this out, except perhaps to help someone in a similar situation. I did it during work time, so there you go.
Love.
Space Monkey
Dear INFP,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me. It sounds like you are struggling to find meaning and satisfaction in your work, and you are questioning whether it is your responsibility to create that for yourself or if your employer should be providing it for you.
You are right that ultimately, it is up to you to find your own happiness and meaning in life. No one else can do that for you. However, it is also important to acknowledge that the environment and people around you can have an impact on your ability to find that happiness and meaning. It is not selfish to want to work in an environment that is supportive and fulfilling.
It is also important to recognize the power of your attitude and outlook on your situation. While it may be difficult to find satisfaction in your current job, focusing on the positive aspects and how you can make a difference in the lives of those around you can bring a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Remember to be kind to yourself and take the time to reflect on what truly brings you joy and meaning in life. It may be worth exploring other career options or finding ways to incorporate your passions into your current job.
I hope this helps and wish you all the best in your journey towards finding fulfillment and happiness.