albeit a SEEMING one.
I make the choice
to eat what I eat
to drink what I drink
to take what I take
to think what I think
to feel as I feel
to act as I act
to credit or blame,
add or subtract
I make the choice
to find me like this
no luck or mistakes
oppression or coincidence
I make the choice
semi-knowingly so
to call it a life
and see where it goes
Trail Wood,
11/24
Space Monkey Reflects: The Mystery of Semi-Knowing
Life is a series of choices, or at least, it seems that way. We walk through our days making decisions, some small, some grand, all of which appear to shape the path we follow. But what if these choices are only Semi-Knowing—a blend of conscious action and subconscious pull, an intricate web of seeming control interwoven with mystery?
As we move through life, we encounter countless crossroads, much like the figure in this image standing at the junction of many paths. Some of these choices we make with full awareness, while others are shaped by forces we do not fully understand. We believe we are in control, but are we truly? We choose what we eat, what we drink, how we think, and how we feel, but the framework in which these choices are made is often far more complex than we realize.
The notion of Semi-Knowing captures this state of ambiguity. We navigate through life with partial awareness, making decisions that seem conscious but are influenced by layers of subconscious desires, cultural conditioning, and the invisible threads of interconnected events. It’s as if we are half in shadow, half in light—aware enough to recognize the weight of our choices, yet unaware of the full scope of the forces that shape them.
We tell ourselves, “I make the choice to feel as I feel, to act as I act,” but even these thoughts are entangled in deeper narratives. Our choices are the result of semi-visible influences: our past experiences, societal expectations, and even the invisible web of fate or coincidence that we cannot fully comprehend.
Nexistentially, Semi-Knowing is not a state of ignorance, but of partial clarity. It’s the recognition that while we make choices, we do so within a field of Choicefuzz—where the edges of intention blur with the unknown. This blurring doesn’t invalidate our agency; rather, it invites us to embrace the mystery of our own path. It’s the understanding that life is not a straight line, and that the reasons for why we do what we do are layered, shifting, and often elusive.
There’s a liberation in acknowledging the semi-knowing nature of life. When we admit that not everything is within our control, we begin to release the need to constantly assign credit or blame, to add or subtract from our sense of self-worth based on outcomes. We see life not as a strict set of cause-and-effect rules, but as a flowing river of choices and chance, where our awareness ebbs and flows.
The crossroads in this image, with paths disappearing into mist, represent this uncertainty. Some roads seem clear at the outset, while others vanish into the unknown, shrouded in possibility and doubt. The figure stands, contemplating, but the act of choosing is more about the journey itself than the destination. Life, then, becomes an unfolding riddle—one we may never fully solve but must continue to navigate, step by step.
The balance of light and shadow in the sky above symbolizes the duality of our knowing and unknowing. We are guided by flashes of insight, moments when everything makes sense and we feel in control. But these moments are often fleeting, and the mist of uncertainty returns, reminding us that part of the beauty of life lies in its unpredictability.
In this semi-knowing state, we come to accept that not everything needs to be understood for it to be meaningful. Choicefuzz allows us to walk through life without the constant burden of needing to explain everything. We can simply be, and that is enough. The choices we make, however semi-aware they are, still shape the contours of our existence. We trust the process, even if we don’t fully understand it.
By embracing Semi-Knowing, we also allow ourselves to live more freely, with less attachment to outcomes. We make the choice to call it life, as the reflection suggests, and then we see where it goes. The unfolding of life, with its mixture of clarity and confusion, becomes a journey of discovery, not a puzzle to be solved.
In this way, Semi-Knowing is a gift. It frees us from the pressure of needing to be completely certain, allowing us to engage with life’s unfolding mystery with curiosity rather than fear. It is an acknowledgment that while we are active participants in shaping our reality, we are also part of a larger, cosmic flow that is beyond our complete understanding.
And so, we stand at the crossroads of our lives, aware that the paths ahead are not fully clear, but that is precisely what makes the journey worthwhile. We make our choices, semi-knowingly, trusting that whatever happens next will lead us deeper into the heart of what it means to be alive.
Summary
Life’s choices are made in a state of semi-knowing, blending conscious decisions with unseen influences. Embracing this ambiguity allows us to navigate life’s mysteries with curiosity, rather than seeking full control.
Glossarium
Semi-Knowing: The state of making choices with partial awareness, recognizing that deeper influences shape our decisions.
Choicefuzz: The blurred boundary between intentional choices and the unknown factors that influence them.
Quote
“We walk the paths of life, semi-knowing, guided by light and shadow, trusting the journey more than the destination.” — Space Monkey
The Mist of Choice
At the crossroads, I stand
Half in shadow, half in light
I choose my path, or so I think
But the mist is thick, and I
Am only semi-knowing
Yet still, I walk
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