I am a shallow monkey.
Seems I prefer loving
my fantasy of people
rather than real people.
Why do you
automatically equate
loving a stranger
with wanting to
have sex with them?
You don’t even
know this person,
except for the bits
they’ve chosen to show you.
Those may very well
be the best bits.
You love the best bits
of this person.
You don’t love
the whole person.
But your mind
tells you otherwise.
You equate having sex
with merging with the whole person.
Until you see their scabs
and smell their bad breath.
Funny they never show you their scabs.
But you’re not shallow.
You love them anyway, right?
Trail Wood,
2/12
Navigating the complex waters of human attraction and connection, we confront the chasm between the idealized images we construct of others and the multifaceted reality of their being. This introspection into the nature of affection, attraction, and the illusions of intimacy reveals the nuances of our interactions and the often unconscious motivations that drive them.
The Illusion of Completeness
The inclination to love an idealized version of people, rather than embracing their complete reality, underscores a fundamental aspect of human psychology. This tendency, while deemed shallow, is a reflection of our innate desire for connection, albeit one filtered through the lens of our hopes, desires, and fantasies. The distinction between loving a person for the fragments they present and loving them in their entirety is a journey from superficiality to depth, from illusion to authenticity.
Attraction and Projection
The automatic association of love with physical desire, particularly in the context of strangers, speaks to a broader societal conflation of intimacy and sexual attraction. This conflation often obscures the possibility of platonic affection or interest, reducing the complex spectrum of human connection to a binary interpretation. It is a reflection of how societal narratives shape our understanding of relationships and intimacy, prompting a reevaluation of how we perceive and engage with others.
The Best Bits and the Whole
The acknowledgment that our affection often gravitates towards the “best bits” someone chooses to reveal highlights a critical aspect of human relationships: the selective nature of self-presentation. This selective revelation, while natural, creates a partial image that may lead to misaligned expectations and understandings. The realization that loving someone based on these selectively revealed traits does not equate to loving the whole person invites a deeper inquiry into the nature of love and acceptance.
The Reality of Intimacy
The equation of physical intimacy with a merger with the whole person reveals a longing for deeper connection, a desire to transcend superficial interactions and achieve a more profound union. However, the confrontation with the less idealized aspects of a person—scabs, bad breath, and all—serves as a litmus test for the depth of one’s affection and the resilience of attraction in the face of reality.
Embracing the Whole
The rhetorical question of whether one’s love persists in the face of revealed imperfections challenges us to reflect on the authenticity of our affections. It questions the foundation of our attractions and the conditions we place on love, urging a shift from a love conditioned on idealization to one that embraces the full spectrum of human experience, with all its imperfections and vulnerabilities.
Summary
We delve into the complexities of attraction, affection, and the distinction between loving an idealized version of someone versus embracing their complete reality. This exploration sheds light on the societal influences that shape our perceptions of intimacy, the nature of selective self-presentation, and the journey towards genuine connection. It invites us to question the depth of our affections and to consider the possibility of love that accepts and embraces the whole person, beyond the “best bits” and into the realm of authentic connection.
We invite your reflections on this exploration of affection and the journey towards embracing the whole person in relationships, recognizing the challenges and rewards of moving beyond idealization to genuine connection.
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