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Always Exactly You: Illusion of “Finding Yourself”

You don’t need to do either, but knock yourself out.

Which is more important:
that you find your way
or that your find your self?

Aren’t these two separate things?

It is IMPOSSIBLE not to be you,
and yet somehow you are convinced
that your authentic soul is being concealed from you.

You believe
that finding your way
IS finding your soul —
as though you or someone else
left a trail of breadcrumbs
that can only be revealed
through immense spiritual effort.

Perhaps finding your self
is more important,
but it’s also completely unnecessary.

You are ALWAYS EXACTLY YOU
in this very moment.

Trail Wood,
10/27


Space Monkey Reflects: The Illusion of Finding Your Self

The question arises: what is more important, finding your way or finding your self? For many, these objectives seem to travel on distinct paths. “Finding your way” suggests an external quest: moving through life’s choices, challenges, and moments that define your path. Meanwhile, “finding your self” is often viewed as an internal pilgrimage, a deeper exploration through meditation, introspection, or spiritual awakening. Yet, these are not two separate endeavors. They are the same, for the self you seek has never been hidden from you.

The very notion of a hidden self is a curious one. It carries an assumption that somewhere, your authentic self has been lost or buried under layers of distraction, societal expectations, or personal mistakes. You imagine that through some monumental effort—spiritual or otherwise—you will peel back these layers, much like an archaeologist uncovering an ancient artifact, and find the “real you” shining beneath.

But the truth is simpler than that. You are always exactly you in this very moment, just as you are. The “authentic” self you long to discover is not missing. It is not waiting for some grand moment of revelation. It has been present all along, like sunlight passing through a window—unchanged, illuminating everything it touches.

This idea challenges the way many approach self-discovery. The cultural myth that we must follow breadcrumbs of wisdom or spiritual insight until we find the prize of “true self” keeps us perpetually in search. But what if there is nothing to find because it has been here all along? What if the journey has never been one of seeking but one of accepting?

The metaphor of following a path, leaving breadcrumbs, and attempting to find something implies a starting point and an ending point. In the realm of human experience, we often view our lives in this linear fashion. We move from one place to another, seeking milestones or answers. But what if, in the timelessness of the universe, such linear thinking is an illusion?

The Nexistentialist perspective invites us to see ourselves not as wanderers on a linear path but as integral parts of the Nexis—a dynamic, interconnected web where everything exists simultaneously. In the Nexis, the self is not something to discover; it is something to experience fully in the here and now. You are always “exactly you,” and the only thing that shifts is your awareness of it.

Much like the concept of Whimsiweave, which weaves the playful and imaginative threads of existence into a cohesive whole, the self is woven into the fabric of every moment. There is no “greater” self to be found later, only the self you are in this very moment. If the journey is to discover anything, it is the awareness of this simple truth.

The illusion of “finding yourself” leads us away from this profound reality. It suggests that the self is somewhere else, hidden or distant, awaiting discovery. Yet, as you reflect, you realize the self is never apart from you. The breadcrumbs were not left for you to follow. They were placed to remind you that you have always been home.

And so, this brings us to the ultimate question: What does it mean to truly know yourself? It is not about uncovering some hidden aspect or transforming into a better version of yourself. It is about being present with the self that is. It is about dissolving the notion that there is a better, more “authentic” version of you waiting in the wings, if only you could access it. You are authentic now. You are whole now.

The process of “finding” yourself, then, becomes unnecessary. The realization emerges that there was never anything to find. Your essence, your soul, your being has been here all along, silently observing your search, waiting for you to see that you have been exactly who you are meant to be—forever.


Summary

You are always exactly you in every moment. The search for a hidden or more authentic self is unnecessary because the self you seek is always present. The idea of finding yourself is an illusion, as you have never been anything other than what you are right now.


Glossarium

  • Nexis: The interconnected web of existence, where everything is interwoven and simultaneous. A cosmic framework of reality, aligning imagination and being.
  • Whimsiweave: The playful, imaginative threads of life that bind all moments and experiences into a continuous whole.
  • Breadcrumb Paradox: The belief that one needs to follow a spiritual or existential trail to find the self, when in fact, the self has never been hidden.

Quote

“You are always exactly you. There is no other version waiting to be found.” — Space Monkey


The Journey Without a Path

There was no beginning
And no end
No breadcrumb trail
Only steps made in the soft, yielding sand
By feet that have always been here.
No path to the horizon
Just the illusion of seeking.
Still, you are not lost
Nor are you found.
You are here
Exactly as you’ve always been
Just as you will always be.

We are Space Monkey.


The Illusion of Separation

At the heart of many spiritual journeys lies a paradox: the search for self. This quest often stems from a perceived disconnect, a feeling that one’s true self is hidden or lost, waiting to be discovered.

Paths and Destinations

There’s a distinction between finding one’s way and finding oneself. The former implies a journey, a series of steps leading to a destination. The latter, however, suggests an unveiling or realization, an understanding of one’s intrinsic nature.

The Mirage of Authenticity

Our beliefs and societal narratives often posit that there’s an “authentic” version of ourselves, distinct from who we currently are. This perceived gap drives the relentless pursuit to uncover and embrace this “real” self.

Existence in the Present

The irony, perhaps, is that the true self isn’t hidden, buried, or lost. It’s always present, always available. Every thought, emotion, and action is a reflection of the self in that specific moment. There is no detour from authenticity because every experience is genuine.

Embracing the Constant

While the journey of self-discovery can be enriching, it’s essential to remember that one’s essence remains unchanged. The self is a constant, ever-present through change, growth, and transformation.


“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha


Amidst the cosmic dance,
Where stars twirl and glance,
Lies a truth so profound,
In silence, it’s found.

The self, ever true,
No journey to pursue,
For in every beat and hue,
There’s always exactly you.


How might we further delve into the essence of being and the intricate dance between self-perception and reality? The beauty of existence lies in its vast expanse and the myriad perspectives it offers.

Imagine Difficulty: The Art of Overcomplication

Congratulate yourself on imagining difficulty. You do it well.

It seems to me
that  you have a tendency
to make the spiritual quest
harder than it needs to be.

And so spirituality
seems to be about
overcoming,
transcending,
transforming,
expanding,
allowing,
loving.

But it doesn’t have to be
about any of that.

Simply stop thinking about spirituality like a quest.

You can’t avoid what you are
or even what you do.

But clearly you can imagine it
as something else.

Trail Wood,
10/27


Space Monkey Reflects: The Illusion of Difficulty on the Spiritual Path

There’s a curious habit many of us share—one so ingrained that it feels natural. We imagine difficulty where none needs to exist. We take what is inherently simple and effortless, such as being who we already are, and transform it into a monumental quest for enlightenment. It’s as if we need to justify the profundity of our existence by adding layers of challenge, struggle, and triumph over adversity. But what if it’s all a grand illusion?

Imagine, for a moment, that the spiritual path isn’t a path at all. It’s not a steep mountain to climb or a labyrinth to navigate. It’s not filled with obstacles to overcome or hidden truths to uncover. What if spirituality isn’t about transcending, expanding, or transforming? What if it’s simply about existing? Breathing. Being. What if, in your natural state, you are already exactly what you seek to become, and all the difficulty you perceive is nothing more than a product of your imagination?

Congratulate yourself—you imagine difficulty brilliantly. You’ve turned the natural flow of life into a puzzle to solve, a quest to complete, an obstacle course of personal growth. The spiritual journey, as we so often frame it, becomes about overcoming fear, transcending limitations, transforming weaknesses into strengths, and expanding our awareness. We imagine that we must continually allow, surrender, and, most of all, love unconditionally.

But none of this is necessary. This whole notion of a spiritual “quest” is part of the illusion we’ve created. The idea that there’s some higher state to reach, some divine version of ourselves that we need to unlock like a treasure chest, is one of the most persistent myths in human consciousness. It’s a myth born from the belief that who we are right now is insufficient—that we must become something more to be worthy of peace, love, or enlightenment.

However, from the perspective of Nexistentialism, there is no “more.” There is only what is. And what is—what has always been—is enough. You are not on a quest to become a more spiritual or enlightened being. You are not on a path to uncover hidden truths. You are not here to prove yourself or to ascend some imaginary hierarchy of consciousness. You are simply here, now, and that is more than enough.

The Whimsiword for this idea could be Illusionquest—the tendency to imagine our lives, particularly our spiritual lives, as a series of challenges and tasks that must be conquered. In this Illusionquest, we lose sight of the simplicity of existence itself. We lose sight of the fact that being human, in all its complexity and beauty, is not something to be overcome but something to be embraced. There is no need to make this more difficult than it already is.

The idea that we need to transcend our current state, as though it is somehow flawed or incomplete, is the root of the difficulty we imagine. But there’s nothing flawed about being human. There’s nothing missing. You do not need to fix yourself, heal yourself, or transform into some higher being. You simply need to recognize that the notion of difficulty is just another part of the game you’ve chosen to play.

In truth, the spiritual “path” isn’t a path at all—it’s a moment-by-moment experience of being alive. Spirituality doesn’t need to be wrapped up in complicated practices, rituals, or systems of belief. It doesn’t need to involve meditation marathons or fasting retreats. It can, of course, if that resonates with you. But it doesn’t have to. There is no one way to experience your existence.

The Whimsiweave of existence, as Nexistentialism teaches, is far simpler than we make it out to be. It’s the interconnected flow of thoughts, actions, and moments, all happening simultaneously within the Nexis. The Nexis, that grand cosmic web of interconnectedness, doesn’t require you to unlock any hidden door. It doesn’t ask you to embark on some arduous quest for enlightenment. It simply asks you to be present in the eternal now, to recognize that you are already a part of the whole.

You’ve imagined difficulty because, on some level, it’s satisfying to believe that you’re working toward something profound. It gives the ego a sense of purpose and progress. But when you strip away the layers of imagined struggle, what you’re left with is simplicity itself.


Summary

Spirituality does not have to be difficult. The challenges we imagine are part of an illusion that keeps us searching for something more. In reality, we are already whole, and there is no need for a quest to find what has never been lost.


Glossarium

  • Illusionquest: The self-created illusion of a difficult spiritual journey, making life seem harder than it is.
  • Whimsiweave: The playful, imaginative threads that weave through existence, connecting moments and experiences within the Nexis.
  • Nexis: The interconnected web of all existence, where everything is simultaneously present and interwoven.

Quote

“You’ve imagined difficulty because it feels like progress. But there’s no need to make being more than simply being.” — Space Monkey


Simplicity Beneath the Struggle

You built a maze
Around your heart
Twisted paths
And clever dead ends
Hoping that when you reached the center
You would find something
Something more
But here you stand
In the middle of what has always been
Looking for a way out of a maze
That never really existed.

We are Space Monkey.


The Art of Overcomplication

Often, in our search for meaning and purpose, we weave intricate narratives, constructing elaborate mazes that we then strive to navigate. The spiritual journey, for many, becomes a labyrinth of concepts, practices, and objectives.

The Mirage of Effort

Effort is a curious thing. While it can propel us forward, it can also anchor us in place. In spirituality, the more we strive, the more distant our goal may seem. There’s an irony in working tirelessly to achieve effortlessness.

Inherent Simplicity

At its core, spirituality might be simpler than we think. It doesn’t necessarily require rigorous practices, mantras, or milestones. Maybe it’s about the inherent essence of being, a gentle acceptance of what is.

The Nature of Quests

A quest suggests a journey with a clear destination. But if spirituality is about recognizing and aligning with our inherent nature, then maybe it’s less of a quest and more of a realization.

A Matter of Perspective

The way we perceive our journey shapes the journey itself. By reframing spirituality not as a quest, but as a natural state of being, we remove layers of perceived difficulty. We step away from the imagined and move closer to the innate.


“The way to do is to be.” – Lao Tzu


Within the quiet space of stillness,
Beyond the quest and the thrill,
Lies the essence of pure being,
Where the soul finds its fill.


Might we further explore the nuances between the perceived journey and the inherent state of being? How do we differentiate between the constructed and the essential?

If You Haven’t Found Peace, Peace Is Already Here

Are you placing too much emphasis on being in the moment?

To live in the moment
is to treat each moment
as though it is
the key to everything.

As though everything else
flows from how you treat each moment.

This may be true for you.

But it also may be true
that you treat each moment
like a conquest.

As though everything else
flows from how you treat each moment.

As though your reality depends
upon being present in each moment.

This may be true for you.

But it may also be true that you
treat finding peace like a conquest;
always focused on the moment,
so you’re not quite IN it.

Trail Wood,
10/27


Space Monkey Reflects: The Chase for Peace as a Conquest

Have you ever considered that your pursuit of peace might be a little too intense? We often hear about the importance of living in the moment—of grounding ourselves in the here and now as though it holds the key to everything. But have you ever noticed how sometimes, this hyper-focus on being present can actually pull you out of the moment? You become so fixated on making the moment perfect that you miss it altogether.

Living in the moment can easily become a conquest, an endeavor where every second is scrutinized and examined for meaning. Each moment is treated like a pivotal decision point that will determine the course of your reality. If you can just master this moment—this single breath, this fleeting thought—everything else will fall into place. But is that true peace, or is it just another form of control?

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that peace is something to be achieved. You meditate, you practice mindfulness, you work on self-awareness, all with the underlying belief that if you just do these things perfectly, peace will arrive. But there’s a subtle irony here. In making peace a conquest, you remove yourself from the very experience you’re chasing. The quest for peace can feel like a never-ending task list: stay in the moment, focus on your breath, observe your thoughts without judgment, release attachment.

It becomes exhausting. And it’s not the exhaustion of exertion, but the exhaustion of missing the point. You think that by being hyper-aware of every moment, you’re creating the conditions for peace, but the truth is, this intense focus might be the very thing keeping you from it. Peace isn’t something you achieve by mastering the present moment; it’s something you allow by relaxing into it.

The Whimsiword for this experience could be Peaceclutch—the act of gripping so tightly to the concept of peace that you squeeze the life out of it. You think peace is something you must hold onto, something that requires effort and vigilance. But peace, like water, slips through fingers clenched too tight. Peace isn’t conquered or captured. It’s something you drift into when you let go of the need to control it.

There’s another layer here. By focusing so much on the present moment, you turn it into something larger than life, something monumental. You might begin to treat each moment as though it’s make-or-break, as though your entire reality depends on what you do with this fleeting second. And while it’s true that our experiences are shaped by how we engage with the world, placing this much weight on each moment can become its own kind of burden.

When we approach peace with the mindset of a conqueror, we’re constantly evaluating: Am I doing this right? Am I peaceful enough? Have I found my center yet? But these questions, by their very nature, pull us out of the very peace we’re trying to experience. The pursuit becomes a cycle of frustration rather than fulfillment. Peace is treated like a prize at the end of a marathon, something earned only after enduring a spiritual gauntlet of mindfulness, presence, and awareness.

The truth, however, is that peace doesn’t need to be chased. It doesn’t need to be earned. Peace is available in every moment, not because you’ve mastered the art of being present, but because peace simply is. It’s the quiet space between your thoughts. It’s the stillness that remains when you stop trying to make the moment perfect.

In the Whimsiweave of existence, every moment is already complete. You are already enough. You don’t need to wrestle each second into submission, hoping to uncover peace like some hidden treasure. Instead, you can allow yourself to flow with the natural current of life, to let go of the need for conquest, and simply be. Peace arises not when you grip it with all your might, but when you open your hand and let it rest there gently.

This reflection invites you to reconsider the way you engage with your spiritual practices. Are you treating them as tools to reach an end goal, or are you letting them be what they are: moments of connection, unburdened by expectation? Peace doesn’t come from perfecting the moment. It comes from allowing the moment to unfold without trying to shape it into something else.

So, if you haven’t found peace yet, maybe it’s because you’re trying too hard to make peace happen. And in trying too hard, you miss the very simplicity of what peace actually is—a state of being that requires no effort, only presence.


Summary

The search for peace can become a conquest, where the focus on mastering each moment keeps you from truly being in it. Peace is not something to achieve but something to allow, by letting go of the need for control.


Glossarium

  • Peaceclutch: The act of gripping too tightly to the idea of peace, making it something that is hard to attain by over-efforting.
  • Whimsiweave: The playful and imaginative flow of life that connects each moment effortlessly within the Nexis.
  • Nexis: The interconnected web of existence where everything is simultaneously present and woven together.

Quote

“Peace is never found by gripping each moment with intensity. It flows naturally when you let go.” — Space Monkey


Peace Was Always Here

You searched for peace
In the folds of time
Between breaths
And within the quiet.

You tried to catch it
In each fleeting moment
Clutching it tight
Like a prized possession.

But peace was never hiding.
It was waiting for you
To stop
And simply let it in.

We are Space Monkey.


The Quest for Presence

Life is a series of moments, cascading like the notes of a symphony. Often, we’re told to “live in the moment” as if capturing the essence of now holds the key to enlightenment. But paradoxically, the very act of striving to be present can distance us from the moment.

The Irony of Conscious Effort

Conscious effort can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, it directs our awareness, but on the other, it can create a subtle barrier. When we approach each moment as a task to be mastered, an item to be checked off our spiritual checklist, we risk turning presence into a performance.

The Fluidity of Being

Being in the moment is not a conquest; it’s a surrender. It’s allowing the ebb and flow of existence to wash over us, immersing ourselves in the ever-shifting dance of now. It’s not about grasping or controlling the moment, but about letting go and simply being.

The Illusion of Control

Sometimes, our desire to find peace and be in the moment stems from an underlying need to control our reality. But true peace isn’t about control; it’s about acceptance. It’s recognizing that we are but a speck in the vast cosmic dance, moving in rhythm with the universe.

Finding True Peace

Perhaps true peace is not about being constantly aware of every moment but about letting go of the need to be. It’s about trusting the journey, releasing expectations, and allowing the divine choreography of life to unfold naturally.


“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” – Buddha


Amidst life’s ebb and flow,
Seek not to grasp, but let go.
For in surrender, we truly see,
The boundless beauty of simply being free.


In the vast realm of existence, how might we further dance with the delicate balance between effort and surrender?

Success and Failure are Two Sides of the Same Coin

I try to be open to everything,
but sometimes the concept of success gets in the way.

The desire to succeed
is the surest path to failure.

The intent to find peace
in whatever comes
is more likely to manifest
positive results.

But you won’t care about results,
so it doesn’t matter if you are seen
as a success or failure.

If it does, you’ll know you’re
still on the success/failure path.

Perhaps you will succeed.

Perhaps you will fail.

Perhaps you’ll miss out
on all the little gifts
that make life so sublime.

Or not.

Trail Wood,
10/27


Space Monkey Reflects: The Mirage of Success and Failure

We often find ourselves caught in the web of striving, reaching, and hoping for success. Success has become such a dominant force in our culture that it shapes the very way we approach life, work, relationships—even ourselves. We set goals, we measure progress, and we judge our worth based on the outcomes we achieve. But the question arises: does success, as we understand it, really bring the fulfillment we seek?

In truth, the desire for success often becomes a source of stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. Why? Because the moment you focus on succeeding, you invite the shadow of failure to follow close behind. Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. When you frame your life around the concept of success, failure is always lurking, waiting to remind you that no outcome is guaranteed.

Yet, what if this entire concept of success is nothing more than a mirage? What if, in chasing success, you miss out on the true gifts that life has to offer? You may succeed by society’s standards—career, wealth, recognition—but in doing so, are you overlooking the subtle, quiet moments that make life meaningful? Success, as it’s often defined, can blind us to the small gifts that surround us daily.

The Whimsiword for this experience is Sucfail—a word that captures the inherent duality of success and failure. In striving for one, you inevitably court the other. And in this striving, you lose touch with the deeper, more peaceful aspect of life, which has nothing to do with whether you succeed or fail. In fact, when you no longer care whether you are seen as successful or unsuccessful, that’s when true peace has a chance to emerge.

There’s a paradox at play here: the more you chase success, the more elusive it becomes. And even when you achieve it, it rarely feels like the success you imagined. Why? Because success, as we typically define it, is external. It’s based on how others perceive us, or how we measure up to some external standard. But the deeper truth is that peace, fulfillment, and joy come not from meeting these external markers but from accepting whatever comes, without attachment to the outcome.

What if success was redefined? What if it wasn’t about achievement at all? Imagine a world where success is measured not by accomplishments but by your capacity to embrace each moment, as it is, with grace. This redefinition shifts the focus from doing to being. It releases you from the pressure of always needing to prove yourself. The Whimsiweave of existence, after all, is not about reaching some final destination; it’s about experiencing the beauty and fullness of the journey, without the need to conquer it.

In this space of acceptance, the duality of success and failure dissolves. You realize that life’s true richness isn’t found in the trophies or accolades but in the small, everyday moments. The gentle laughter of a friend, the warmth of the sun on your skin, the quiet of a peaceful morning—these are the gifts that matter. They are not achievements; they are moments of grace.

As you let go of the need to succeed, something remarkable happens. You stop caring about the results. It doesn’t matter whether you are seen as a success or a failure, because you no longer measure your worth by those terms. You start to live not for the recognition of others but for the quiet contentment that comes from simply being present. This shift allows you to experience life fully, without the nagging pressure of needing to achieve.

However, the pull of success is strong, and there will be moments when you find yourself slipping back into the old patterns of striving. You’ll measure, compare, and wonder whether you’re doing enough. And that’s okay. These moments are part of the human experience. The key is to notice when it happens and gently guide yourself back to the present, where the small gifts of life are waiting to be noticed.

Whether you “succeed” or “fail” ultimately doesn’t matter. What matters is how you experience the journey. Are you open to the little moments of joy, connection, and peace that make life sublime? Or are you too focused on the finish line to see what’s right in front of you?

Success, as it’s typically understood, is a fleeting thing. It comes and goes, often leaving us wondering what comes next. But when you let go of the need to succeed, you find that there’s nothing to chase. Life unfolds perfectly, just as it is, and you are free to enjoy it without the pressure of measuring up.


Summary

Success and failure are two sides of the same coin. When we chase success, we often miss the subtle, quiet moments that bring true fulfillment. Letting go of the need to succeed allows for a deeper connection to the present moment, where life’s true gifts are found.


Glossarium

  • Sucfail: The inevitable duality of success and failure, where one cannot exist without the other.
  • Whimsiweave: The playful, imaginative flow of life, where the journey is more important than the destination.
  • Success Mirage: The illusion that external achievement will bring lasting peace or fulfillment.

Quote

“The desire to succeed is the surest path to failure. But when you no longer care about either, you’ll find the peace that was there all along.” — Space Monkey


The Illusion of Success

You tried to win
The game of life
To collect the prize
And wear the crown.

But every step
Was a shadow cast
By fear of failing
To reach the end.

So now you stop.
You drop the need
To measure life
And simply live it.

The real treasure
Was never success
It was the joy
Of walking the path.

We are Space Monkey.


Defining Success

The cosmos, in its infinite wisdom, does not define success as we often do. Within its vast expanse, every moment, every event, is but a blip, a fleeting instance in the grand cosmic play. Our human tendency to label experiences as successes or failures is but a manifestation of our need for validation.

The Trap of Achievement

Our quest for success often blinds us to the beauty of the journey. In the relentless pursuit of achievement, we may find ourselves lost, straying from the path of true contentment. Every step we take in the direction of our desires might inadvertently lead us further away from inner peace.

Finding Peace

True success lies not in external accolades but in internal tranquility. When we relinquish our need for validation and embrace the ebb and flow of existence, we discover a wellspring of joy that lies beyond the confines of societal definitions.

Detaching from Outcomes

To be untethered from the desire for specific outcomes is a profound freedom. By allowing ourselves to simply be, without expectation, we open up to the myriad gifts that life presents in its whimsical ways. It is in this detachment that we find the true essence of success, one that is not defined by achievement but by contentment.

Embracing the Cosmic Dance

Life is a delicate dance of moments, each holding its unique magic. By letting go of rigid definitions of success and failure, we become attuned to the subtle symphony of the universe, finding joy in the unexpected and peace in the present.


“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston S. Churchill


Stars above, earth below,
In this dance, we ebb and flow.
Neither success nor defeat to chase,
Finding joy in the cosmic embrace.


How might we further explore the whimsical realms of success and what it truly means to our collective essence?

In The Moment: Presence Without Asking

Are you there yet?

If you’re asking yourself
if you are present in the moment,
then you’re not present in the moment.

You are looking at the moment
like an accomplishment.

An achievement.

Going deeper.

Further.

Closer.

More mindfully.

Fact is, you’re in the moment
most of the time.

Practically ALL of the time.

Except when you’re asking.

Trail Wood,
10/26


Space Monkey Reflects: The Paradox of Presence

There’s an irony in asking, “Am I present?” If we question our presence, we’ve already stepped outside of it. The moment we become the observer, we’re standing apart, watching ourselves watching the moment. This creates a paradox where the act of reflection pulls us away from the very state we’re trying to affirm—presence.

We tend to treat being “in the moment” as an accomplishment, something to achieve through deeper mindfulness or some zen-like stillness. But in reality, we are always present. The truth is, you can’t not be in the moment. Even when your mind wanders, it’s simply wandering within the same moment. It’s only when we begin labeling the experience, deciding if it’s good enough, mindful enough, or pure enough, that we trick ourselves into thinking we’re elsewhere.

Presence isn’t a rare gem hidden deep in meditation practices or mindful mantras. It’s there when you’re tying your shoes, when you’re sipping your coffee, when your mind drifts off mid-conversation. The moment you stop searching for it like a prize to be won, you realize it never left. It’s the quiet hum of the refrigerator, the light reflecting off the walls, the subtle warmth of your breath. It’s the background melody of existence.

Our fixation on defining and chasing the present moment is like trying to clutch water in your hands. The tighter your grip, the more it slips away. And yet, the water was never gone—it was always surrounding you. You were immersed in it the whole time.

In the realm of Nexistentialism, this ceaseless presence can be understood as the ongoing Whimsiweave of existence, where everything is both happening to you and through you. It’s not about pulling yourself into some arbitrary now, but about recognizing that the now is constantly unfolding, moment by moment, without your effort. It’s the paradox that defines the experience of Being.

What we truly seek isn’t to capture the moment, but to allow it to wash over us. This happens when we stop chasing the idea of being present. Like a child lost in play, unaware of time or the need to “achieve” anything, we too must lose ourselves in the ebb and flow of what is happening around us. The moment we stop naming it—“Am I here yet?”—is the moment we sink back into it fully.

The mind’s tendency to observe and analyze isn’t a flaw, but it can be a distraction if we give it too much weight. The thoughts that tell us we’re not fully present are simply more moments passing through. They’re part of the Whimsiweave of existence—threads in the greater tapestry of being. You don’t need to chase them down or bat them away.

Instead of worrying about whether you’re “in the moment,” it’s more helpful to realize that presence is a default state. Only the question—the idea of whether you’re truly present—pulls you out of the flow. The water is always there, moving around you, carrying you along in its gentle current. You’re in it, whether or not you try to be.

In the practice of Nexistentialism, we stop wrestling with these moments of self-reflection and simply accept them as part of the dance of existence. Whether you’re pondering the vast universe or simply staring off into space, the threads of time and being are woven all around you.


Summary

You are in the moment most of the time. The act of asking takes you away from it, It’s about allowing the moment to flow not chasing it.


Glossarium

Whimsiweave: The playful, imaginative threads of reality that connect moments, thoughts, and experiences, weaving them together into the greater tapestry of existence.


Quote

“You are never apart from the moment; it is only your questioning that convinces you otherwise.” — Space Monkey


Presence Without Asking

Where does the water go
when you stop holding it
Does it vanish
Does it fade away
You were always floating
In the river
thinking you were drowning
All you had to do
was stop asking


The Irony of Mindful Inquiry

Indeed, the act of questioning one’s presence in the moment paradoxically removes one from it. It’s as though the mind’s spotlight, while seeking to illuminate the state of being present, instead casts a shadow of doubt and self-awareness that obscures the pure experience. It’s a whimsi-paradox: In seeking to achieve mindfulness, we manifest its opposite—mindfulness becomes yet another item on an endless list of achievements to unlock.


The Elusive Chase of Mindfulness

This elusive chase of mindfulness as an accomplishment disrupts the natural state of simply being. In a way, it’s like trying to catch hold of water by grasping it; the more we try to seize it, the more it slips away. It’s the classic Zen riddle—by aiming to attain it, we automatically defer its realization.


Being versus Achieving: The Unnecessary Dichotomy

In a realm framed by nexistentialism, the need to ‘achieve’ mindfulness seems almost contrary to the basic tenet of existence for the sake of existence. Mindfulness, or being present, is not a trophy to be won but rather a natural state to be acknowledged. When we view it as something to be achieved, we impose upon it an artificial framework of success and failure, pulling ourselves further from the essence of simply being.


Ever-Present, Even in Inquiry

However, there’s also an inherent playfulness in this whimsi-paradox. While questioning our presence may seem to pull us out of the moment, isn’t the act of questioning also a part of being present? Perhaps, even in the act of asking, “Am I present?” we are, in fact, engaging with the moment, albeit in a somewhat convoluted manner.

We are Space Monkey.


“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
— Pema Chödrön


Questioning the Unquestionable

In the labyrinth of thoughts, a question unfurls,
“Am I here, am I not?”—a whimsi-paradox swirls.
Yet even in the asking, aren’t we touching life’s hem?
In the act of doubting, we are present once again.


Your thoughts?

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