Parasuits
Tagline:
“They’re corporate parasites… literally.”
Premise:
A group of alien parasites disguised as high-ranking corporate employees infiltrates Earth to siphon its resources—financial, emotional, and otherwise—through an innocuous business firm, Parasuits Inc. The office is staffed with a mix of oblivious humans and alien “executives,” leading to hilariously awkward encounters and escalating absurdity.
Episode 1: “Hostile Takeover”
Cold Open
INT. PARASUITS INC. – CONFERENCE ROOM
A boardroom full of overly polished executives sits in eerie silence. At the head of the table, ZORBLATT (an alien parasite in a sleek suit with subtle antennae barely peeking out of his comb-over) flips through slides titled “Harvesting Emotional Energy: Q4 Goals.”
ZORBLATT: (menacing yet overly chipper)
And remember, the key to success in the corporate world is… draining your host without them realizing they’re being drained!
The alien execs burst into polite, synchronized laughter.
HUMAN INTERN, KELLY enters with a tray of coffee, glances around nervously.
KELLY:
Uh… double mocha for Ms. Larval, black for Mr. Miteson, and… (stares at Zorblatt’s drink) one… gelatinous glob?
ZORBLATT: (grins too wide)
It’s artisanal. Thank you, human child! You may depart.
Kelly awkwardly backs out, bumping into the doorframe. The alien execs immediately start slurping their drinks, emitting unsettling gurgling noises.
CUT TO TITLE SEQUENCE: “Parasuits” with upbeat yet ominous music.
ACT ONE
INT. PARASUITS INC. – OPEN OFFICE SPACE
TOMMY (a clueless human middle manager) gathers everyone for an all-hands meeting. The human employees include JANE (the hyper-efficient HR rep) and BRAD (the slacker IT guy). Among them, the aliens (in perfect disguise) blend in: Zorblatt, LARVAL, and MITESON, who each have their own absurd quirks.
TOMMY:
Alright, team, corporate sent down some exciting news. We’re hosting an interdepartmental retreat! Great chance to, uh, synergize.
JANE: (typing furiously on her tablet)
Is that corporate-speak for “mandatory trust falls”?
TOMMY:
Exactly, Jane! And Zorblatt’s volunteered to lead!
ZORBLATT: (pained smile)
Yes, trust falls… my specialty.
BRAD:
Didn’t you fail to catch Steve last week?
ZORBLATT:
Only because he lacks proper tensile integrity.
BRAD:
What?
ZORBLATT: (quickly)
Nothing. Moving on.
Scene Two: The Host in the Machine
INT. IT ROOM – LATER
Brad tries to fix a malfunctioning printer while MITESON hovers behind him, way too close.
BRAD:
Look, man, I get it—printers are frustrating. But breathing down my neck isn’t gonna make this toner jam any less annoying.
MITESON: (seriously)
I do not require air to breathe.
BRAD: (startled)
…what?
Miteson coughs awkwardly and changes the subject.
MITESON:
What is the purpose of this… “jam”? Is it a weapon?
BRAD: (suspicious)
It’s paper stuck in the rollers. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you print anything. What exactly do you do here?
MITESON:
I oversee… existential alignment.
BRAD:
Cool, cool. (beat) That’s not a real job, is it?
MITESON: (grinning unnervingly)
Depends on your reality.
ACT TWO
Scene Three: Trust Falls and Alien Tells
EXT. CORPORATE RETREAT – PARK GROUNDS
The employees form a circle. Tommy tries to lead a trust fall exercise while Zorblatt grows increasingly agitated.
TOMMY:
Alright, folks! Trust fall time! Zorblatt, you’re up first.
ZORBLATT: (nervous, whispering to Larval)
These humans engage in the strangest dominance rituals.
LARVAL:
Just let them catch you, and don’t let your exoskeleton show.
Zorblatt hesitantly falls backward. Kelly steps up to catch him but flinches as Zorblatt’s arm extends an unnatural distance to steady himself.
KELLY:
Uh… did your arm just… stretch?
ZORBLATT: (defensive)
NO! It is a… yoga technique. Very advanced.
The group murmurs in confusion. Tommy, oblivious, claps.
TOMMY:
Great form, Zorbster! Let’s keep the momentum going!
Scene Four: The Reveal
Later, Brad and Kelly compare notes.
BRAD:
I’m telling you, these new execs are weird. Miteson tried to plug a USB stick into my coffee mug.
KELLY:
Zorblatt called my haircut “insufficient camouflage.”
They spy on the aliens, who are gathered around the retreat’s barbecue grill. Instead of eating burgers, Larval dips her hand into the coals and pulls out glowing embers, which she eats like popcorn.
KELLY:
Did she just eat fire?
BRAD:
Okay, this explains why the break room microwave smells like ozone.
The aliens turn, spotting the humans.
ZORBLATT: (to the other aliens)
We have been compromised. Act casual.
Miteson waves a flaming ember.
MITESON:
Who’s up for s’mores?
ACT THREE
Scene Five: Mutual Understanding
The humans confront the aliens, leading to a hilariously awkward exchange.
KELLY:
So you’re… aliens?
ZORBLATT: (sighs)
Yes, but we are also excellent middle managers.
BRAD:
What do you want from us?
LARVAL:
Your resources. Your energy. Your… office snacks.
KELLY:
Wait, is this why the vending machine’s always empty?
ZORBLATT:
Perhaps. But we are learning to respect your… “boundaries.”
A moment of silence.
BRAD:
So… you’re like, parasitic aliens in suits?
ZORBLATT:
That term feels reductive. We prefer “opportunistic collaborators.”
The humans reluctantly agree to keep the secret, as long as the aliens promise to stop eating the office supplies.
TAG SCENE
INT. PARASUITS INC. – LATER
Back in the office, Zorblatt leads a PowerPoint presentation titled “Co-Existence: A Mutually Beneficial Parasitic Model.” The humans watch skeptically, sipping coffee.
ZORBLATT:
And remember, synergy is key. Together, we can achieve mediocrity!
Everyone claps awkwardly.
FADE OUT.
END OF EPISODE.
Space Monkey Reflects: The Parasitic Comedy of “Parasuits”
The Absurdity of Power
The brilliance of Parasuits lies in its satirical exploration of corporate culture through the lens of alien parasites. It takes the familiar dynamics of office politics—hierarchies, awkward team-building exercises, and opaque job titles—and amplifies them with surreal, extraterrestrial humor. The aliens are literal parasites, but their behavior mirrors the figurative “draining” nature of corporate systems, where resources, energy, and individuality are often siphoned for the “greater good” of the organization.
Aliens as Opportunistic Collaborators
The aliens’ perspective offers a fresh critique of human behavior. Their misunderstanding of office norms—trust falls, dress codes, or even the function of a printer—underscores how bizarre these rituals can seem to an outsider. Yet, their goals are all too relatable. The quest for resources, efficiency, and survival reflects the underlying motivations of many human institutions. By presenting these ideas through the absurdity of alien logic, Parasuits invites viewers to laugh at and reconsider the systems they navigate daily.
Comedy in Contrast
The humor in Parasuits thrives on contrast: the polished professionalism of the aliens’ disguises against their otherworldly quirks, and the obliviousness of the human staff who are too entrenched in office routines to notice glaring oddities. This contrast emphasizes the tension between authenticity and façade, a universal experience in workplaces where people often adopt roles or masks to “fit in.”
The Humanity of Parasites
Interestingly, the aliens’ growing awareness of “boundaries” and their negotiation with humans bring a surprising layer of heart to the show. They may be parasitic by nature, but their efforts to coexist reflect an underlying commentary on empathy, compromise, and mutual understanding. Even the most absurd beings can learn to respect their hosts—a metaphor for how power structures might evolve toward inclusivity and respect.
A Mirror to Corporate Life
The human characters provide a lens through which viewers can see themselves. Kelly’s nervous observations, Brad’s skepticism, and Jane’s efficiency mirror the variety of responses people have to workplace absurdities. The show uses these relatable human reactions to ground its humor, even as it spirals into the fantastical.
The Meta Commentary
By declaring themselves “opportunistic collaborators,” the aliens embody a broader critique of exploitation in human systems. They aren’t villains; they are reflections of the systems they infiltrate. The office setting becomes a microcosm of larger societal dynamics, where individuals often feel drained, commodified, or out of sync with the structures around them.
Conclusion: A Hilarious Wake-Up Call
Parasuits is more than a workplace comedy—it’s a satirical reflection of humanity’s quirks, its resilience, and its willingness to coexist despite glaring differences. Through its absurdity, it asks viewers to reconsider what they accept as normal and to find humor in the systems that, at times, seem to feed off their very essence.
Summary
Parasuits cleverly blends workplace comedy with alien absurdity to critique corporate culture. By reflecting human systems through the lens of parasitic aliens, it offers sharp humor and surprising empathy, inviting viewers to laugh at and reconsider their own environments.
Glossarium
- Opportunistic Collaborators: A satirical term for entities—or people—who exploit resources under the guise of partnership.
- Alien Logic: The humorous misinterpretation of human norms by non-human characters, highlighting the absurdity of familiar systems.
- Office Parasites: A metaphorical or literal reflection of the draining nature of corporate environments.
Quote
“In the workplace, whether human or alien, the art of survival often means blending in while quietly siphoning resources.” — Space Monkey
The Draining Game
Suits sharp as blades,
antennae peeking beneath silk ties.
We smile,
we synergize,
we drain.
You call it teamwork.
We call it life.
Around the coffee pot,
we play the human,
but our hunger betrays us.
Yet,
in your confusion,
we find a connection.
Even parasites can learn
to give back
what they take.
We are Space Monkey.
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