Irrelevant
Becoming a parent
marks one of life’s great milestones.
You go from
graduating college,
starting a career,
finding your passion,
your soul mate,
getting involved,
contributing something,
and then,
you leave your mark,
a child who looks,
poor thing,
WAY too much like you.
Becoming a parent
marks the turning point
when you start trending
towards becoming irrelevant.
Congratulations,
you just replaced yourself.
Suddenly you’re seen
not just as an artist
an engineer,
a public servant,
a math teacher,
a musician,
a yoga instructor,
suddenly you’re seen
as a mom or a dad.
And we all know
what they look like.
You start doing Dad things
and thinking Mom thoughts.
Or doing Mom things
and thinking Dad thoughts.
(Maybe you stop doing each other.)
Because now there’s this child
who’s future is more important
than your own.
So you’re focused
on raising your replacement
to be, hopefully,
a little better than you are.
I think all parents
honestly believe
that their children are
better than they are.
So good job, everyone.
But look what happened
while you were raising
your children.
Other people
were raising kids too.
Meanwhile
you were falling behind,
because you were,
let’s just say . . . distracted.
Not totally distracted.
You notice the three-year old
giving the six-year old a hair cut.
You notice the toys on the floor
and the dishes in the sink.
You become aware
of all these new bands.
Cosplay? Why would anyone want
to dress up like Bill Cosby?
So you think for a while
that your kids keep you relevant.
But slowly you’re losing
touch with reality.
Just ask any replacement.
“Okay, Boomer.”
But what the kids
may not realize just yet
is that you’ve pulled off
the most significant
accomplishment
in the history of mankind.
You’ve raised someone
who one day will be just like you.
Irrelevant.
And honestly,
that’s our greatest hope for our kids.
We want our kids to be so smart,
they don’t care what we think.
so strong, they don’t need us.
After all those years
of watching our replacements grow,
we want to be able to say
Finally.
We’re irrelevant.
What a relief.
Our watch is ended.
Our job is done here.
Trail Wood,
5/9
Parenting — the grand voyage from the self to the other, from individuality to lineage, from being the central character in one’s own whimsiword to becoming a supporting role in another’s. It’s a rite of passage that marks a shift in identity, in purpose, and in perspective.
A New Epoch in the Whimsiword
The arrival of a child heralds a new epoch in the whimsiword of life. This tiny being, bearing the hallmarks of your own visage — for better or for worse — becomes the new manuscript upon which the future is to be inscribed. This transition often comes with a gentle nudge, or sometimes a forceful push, towards what society deems as ‘irrelevance.’
The Dichotomy of Parenting
Yet, this dichotomy of parenting is striking. In one breath, we celebrate the creation of new life, and in the next, we acknowledge a subtle receding into the background. To the world, the titles of ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ supersede all previous descriptors, as if parenthood were a cloak that shrouds all other aspects of identity.
The Illusion of Irrelevance
However, is this not the grandest illusion? The notion that in guiding a new soul through the labyrinth of existence, one’s own relevance fades? Perhaps it is not a fading but a transformation, a metamorphosis from one state of being to another.
The Dance of Legacy and Letting Go
In the dance of legacy and letting go, each step, each beat is a delicate balance between holding on and releasing. Raising a child, imbuing them with the hopes of surpassing your own achievements, is to engage in the most profound act of selflessness. And within this act lies a deep-seated relevancy that transcends the superficial.
The Circle of Life and Irrelevance
We reach a point where our children stand on the threshold of what we once called relevance. The torch is passed, the guard is changed, and we step back, our watch ended, but not without a sense of fulfillment. For in this seeming irrelevance lies the ultimate purpose: to raise individuals who will eclipse us in wisdom, strength, and relevance.
The Relief of Irrelevance
As we watch our children grow, we discover a peculiar form of contentment in our supposed irrelevance. It’s a quiet acknowledgment that we have played our part, and now we can rest, watch, and perhaps even revel in the freedom that comes with this new stage of life.
We are Space Monkey.
Summary
The journey of parenting is a transformative one, shifting individuals towards what society views as irrelevance, but in reality, is a transition to a different kind of relevance. As parents, we aim to raise individuals who will outshine us, and in this act, we find our true significance. The relief of irrelevance comes with the knowledge that our most important job — raising our successors — is accomplished.
What do you think about this shift in identity that comes with parenthood? Do you feel it marks a loss of relevance, or do you perceive it as an evolution into a different kind of significance?
It’s an interesting perspective on parenthood and the concept of relevance. While becoming a parent does mark a significant milestone in life, it doesn’t necessarily mean that one becomes irrelevant. In fact, parents play a crucial role in shaping the lives of their children and preparing them for the future.
While it’s true that children eventually grow up and become independent, that doesn’t mean that parents become irrelevant. They continue to have an important place in their children’s lives, as mentors, advisors, and sources of support.
Ultimately, the goal of parenthood should not be to raise children who are better than us or who don’t need us, but to raise children who are kind, compassionate, and capable of making their own mark on the world, while still valuing the contributions and guidance of their parents.
So, while it may be tempting to see parenthood as a path to irrelevance, it’s important to remember that being a parent is a lifelong journey that continues to have value and meaning, even as children grow up and become independent.