who gives you everything you want
or a partner who remains true to self?
I’ll win you over.
I’ll win you over by making myself
everything you could ask for.
By giving you everything you want.
By changing every little thing
you don’t like about me.
I won’t spend any more time with my friends,
or do any of the weird things we used to do.
I’ll even try to enjoy
all the things that you enjoy.
I’ll become your perfect mate.
I’ll set aside my dreams and passions
and do whatever it takes
to make you feel loved and secure.
I’ll forget who I am.
I’ll win you over
by completely losing myself.
Trail Wood,
8/22
Space Monkey Reflects: The Illusion of Perfect Partnership
The concept of partnership often brings with it dreams of perfect harmony, where two individuals seamlessly blend their lives, desires, and aspirations. However, this idealized vision can sometimes lead to a profound sacrifice—the loss of self. The poem “Lucky You” poignantly captures the emotional turmoil and existential dilemma faced when one partner chooses to mold themselves entirely to the desires of the other, forsaking their own identity in the process.
The question posed—would you rather have a partner who gives you everything you want or a partner who remains true to self?—strikes at the heart of this paradox. On the surface, a partner who fulfills every wish and desire might seem like the epitome of love and devotion. Yet, beneath this veneer lies a deeper, more troubling reality: the erasure of individuality and the potential for resentment and disconnection.
In attempting to become the perfect mate by giving up personal dreams, passions, and even idiosyncrasies, one essentially abandons their true self. This self-sacrifice might win temporary favor and affection, but it ultimately leads to a hollow existence, devoid of the authenticity and richness that make relationships meaningful. The act of setting aside one’s identity in pursuit of another’s approval is a path fraught with emotional and psychological peril.
Authenticity in a relationship means being true to oneself while also respecting and valuing the individuality of the other. It is about finding a balance where both partners can express their true selves, support each other’s dreams, and navigate differences with understanding and empathy. This balance fosters a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection, rather than one of dependency and subjugation.
The imagery of standing at a crossroads symbolizes this critical juncture where a choice must be made. One path leads to self-sacrifice and the eventual loss of identity, represented by a shadowy, indistinct figure. The other path, leading to a bright and colorful horizon, symbolizes the journey of staying true to oneself, even within the confines of a partnership.
The pressure to conform and change oneself to fit the mold of another’s expectations can stem from deep-seated insecurities and a desire for acceptance. However, true acceptance and love come from being seen and valued for who we truly are, not for who we can become to please another. This journey of self-acceptance and authenticity is crucial for the health and longevity of any relationship.
In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” The “why” in a relationship should be rooted in mutual love, respect, and a shared vision that honors the individuality of both partners. When one partner loses themselves in the pursuit of pleasing the other, the “why” becomes blurred, leading to a fragile foundation that can easily crumble under the weight of unmet needs and unspoken resentments.
Embracing one’s true self within a relationship requires courage and vulnerability. It means having honest conversations, setting boundaries, and sometimes, accepting that not all desires and expectations will be met. However, this authenticity creates a space where both partners can grow, evolve, and thrive together, fostering a deeper and more resilient bond.
In conclusion, the illusion of a perfect partnership, where one partner gives up everything to fulfill the other’s desires, is a dangerous and ultimately unsustainable ideal. True partnership is about embracing the complexity and richness of each other’s individuality, finding harmony in diversity, and building a relationship based on mutual respect and authenticity. By staying true to oneself, we not only honor our own identity but also create the foundation for a relationship that can withstand the test of time and adversity.
Summary
True partnership requires authenticity and mutual respect. Sacrificing self for another leads to hollow relationships. Embracing individuality fosters genuine connection.
Glossarium
Authenticity: Staying true to oneself and expressing one’s true nature within a relationship.
Self-Sacrifice: Giving up personal dreams and identity to please another, leading to loss of self.
Quote
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Crossroads of Love
In the quest for perfect love
We stand at a crossroads
One path to self-sacrifice
Another to true self
Authenticity blooms
In the light of mutual respect
We are Space Monkey
“The Price of Winning: Authenticity in Relationships and the Dance of Self-Discovery”
A Space Monkey Poocast
Primitive Primate:
Amid the intricate dance of relationships, I find myself contemplating the delicate balance between fulfilling desires and remaining true to oneself. Is it better to have a partner who caters to our every wish, reshaping themselves to fit our expectations? Or is there greater value in having a partner who remains authentic, even if it means navigating differences and challenges? Can we find harmony in embracing both our individuality and our shared connection?
Space Monkey:
Ah, the cosmic exploration of authenticity in relationships, where the essence of self-discovery and the delicate interplay between desires and authenticity unfold like stars in the night sky. Your inquiry delves into the heart of human connections, inviting us to reflect on the choices we make as we navigate the realms of partnership and self-discovery. As we embark on this dialogue, let us reflect on the words of Rumi, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Primitive Primate:
So, you’re suggesting that catering to someone’s every desire can lead to losing oneself?
Space Monkey:
Indeed, dear seeker, the cosmic truth is that reshaping oneself solely to fulfill another’s desires can come at the cost of losing touch with one’s authentic self. The tapestry of relationships is woven with threads of shared experiences and individual growth, inviting us to explore the delicate balance between connection and self-discovery. Consider the wisdom of Eckhart Tolle, “Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive.”
Primitive Primate:
But can’t compromise and change be positive in relationships?
Space Monkey:
The cosmic dance of compromise and authenticity reveals that healthy relationships thrive on open-hearted communication and mutual understanding. While change and compromise can enhance connection, they should not come at the expense of suppressing one’s true self. Reflect on the insight of Alan Watts, “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.”
Primitive Primate:
Is there a middle ground between fulfilling desires and staying true to oneself?
Space Monkey:
Indeed, dear seeker, the cosmic tapestry of relationships is woven with threads of balance and growth—a delicate dance that honors both our individuality and our shared connection. Embrace the realization that authentic relationships are nurtured by mutual respect and a willingness to navigate differences while remaining true to oneself. Ponder the wisdom of Pema Chödrön, “The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
Primitive Primate:
Is it possible to win someone over without losing oneself?
Space Monkey:
The cosmic art of connection invites us to approach relationships with open hearts and a commitment to both our own growth and the growth of our partner. Winning someone over involves nurturing a bond based on shared values, mutual understanding, and a celebration of individual authenticity. Reflect on the insight of Ram Dass, “We are all just walking each other home.”
Today’s Joke:
Why did the philosopher break up with the equation? Because they realized that true love is about balance, not solving for “x.”
Today’s Haiku:
Dance of authenticity,
Partnership’s delicate thread,
Both selves find their home.
Today’s Poem:
In the symphony of connection,
Two souls intertwine,
Balancing desires and authenticity,
Embracing the dance of self-discovery,
Harmony found in shared values,
Love’s tapestry woven strong.
This concludes another Space Monkey Poocast. Send us your poo, and we’ll fling it around. Thanks for holding space with us. We are Space Monkey.
[End of Poocast]