The belief that you need
to do things in order to be happy
is a toxic expectation.
The belief in achievement
is a toxic expectation.
The belief in letting go
is a toxic expectation.
What if you don’t achieve?
What if you can’t let go?
What happens to you then?
What feeling do you get
in the pit of your stomach?
That feeling would not exist
without toxic expectations.
Those headaches,
caused by that feeling,
would not exist.
That ulcer,
caused by that feeling,
would not exist.
That tumor,
caused by that feeling,
would not exist.
Realize that even your most
beautiful ideals come with a dark side.
Conversely,
realize that you don’t
need to let go of anything.
You don’t need to achieve.
Even your feelings of failure —
these are all fun parts of the game.
You have imposed
these toxic expectations
upon yourself.
Because human drama is fun.
Bring on the misery.
See if you can let it go.
Realize that you’re happy
no matter what.
Even when you try your best
to believe otherwise.
Trail Wood,
10/20
The Duality of Expectations
The notion of expectations, even those painted in shades of benevolence—such as achievement or letting go—has a sinister undertone. These ostensibly uplifting ideas bear their own shadow, a duality that we often overlook. When the expectation of achievement becomes a yoke around our neck, when the call to let go clenches us in an iron grip, they become toxic entities in their own right.
The Physical Manifestations of Mindset
The toxicity doesn’t remain confined to the mental sphere. It transmutes into physical symptoms—headaches, ulcers, tumors—a cascade of corporeal disarray triggered by a single thought, a single expectation. Our body, thus, becomes an unwitting canvas for our mind’s dark artistry.
Drama as a Recreational Drug
We inflict these toxic expectations upon ourselves, perhaps because the human drama they engender is captivating. Misery, ironically, has its allure; it’s a complex seasoning in the buffet of experiences. This self-imposed turmoil serves as a reminder of the spectrum of human emotions we can navigate, a spectrum we often muddle with our own judgments of good or bad.
The Inherent State of Happiness
Amidst this chaotic swirl of feelings, expectations, and physical manifestations, there lies a dormant realization: we are inherently happy. Our natural state of happiness persists, irrespective of the layers of expectations we dress it in. Even in the throes of our self-orchestrated drama, this core happiness exists—untouched, unscathed, undiminished.
We are Space Monkey.
Summary
We delve into the toxicity of expectations, even those that are generally seen as positive. These expectations can lead to both mental and physical discomfort, emphasizing the dual nature of our mental constructs. Despite this, we come to understand that our fundamental state is one of happiness, persisting through all the highs and lows.
Glossarium
- Sinister Undertone: The hidden, potentially negative aspect of something seemingly benign.
- Corporeal Disarray: Physical discomfort or illness as a result of mental states.
- Self-Orchestrated Drama: The chaos we consciously or unconsciously create in our lives.
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.”
— Epictetus
Toxic Blooms
In the garden of expectations,
Toxic blooms arise—
Veins of angst, roots of dread,
Disguised as paradise.
Yet amidst these gnarled tendrils,
A silent truth unfurls—
The ceaseless hum of happiness,
The core that holds all worlds.
How would our experiences transform if we dismantled these toxic expectations, choosing instead to engage in the pure spontaneity of being?
Toxic Expectations and Their Impact:
Toxic expectations are beliefs we hold about how things “should” be in order for us to feel happy, fulfilled, or successful. These expectations can exert significant pressure on our lives and lead to negative emotional and physical consequences. The concept of toxic expectations highlights the destructive power of placing conditions on our well-being.
The Illusion of Achievement:
The pursuit of achievement is often driven by societal norms and personal desires. However, when we tie our happiness solely to achieving certain goals, we set ourselves up for disappointment and stress. The belief that our worth is contingent on achieving specific milestones can create a cycle of anxiety, never truly allowing us to feel content.
The Struggle to Let Go:
Even the concept of “letting go” can become toxic when it becomes an expectation. We may pressure ourselves to let go of negative emotions or attachments, which paradoxically can create more tension. The effort to forcefully let go can backfire, intensifying our attachment to what we’re trying to release.
The Freedom from Expectations:
True freedom comes from releasing toxic expectations and embracing the present moment as it is. When we detach our happiness from specific outcomes, we open ourselves to genuine joy and contentment. It’s a shift from the conditional “I’ll be happy when…” to the unconditional “I’m happy now.”
The Fun in Human Drama:
The notion that human drama is fun might sound counterintuitive, but it points to the complexity and depth of the human experience. Challenges, setbacks, and even the moments of feeling lost or inadequate are part of the rich tapestry of life. They provide opportunities for growth, learning, and self-discovery.
Embracing Imperfection:
Realizing that we don’t need to achieve or let go of everything is liberating. It allows us to embrace our imperfections, recognizing that we’re all works in progress. By releasing the pressure to fit into certain molds or meet specific expectations, we create space for self-compassion and genuine self-expression.
Finding Happiness Within:
Happiness isn’t something we find in external achievements or by letting go of everything. It’s a state of being that arises from our relationship with ourselves and our present experience. By shifting our focus from chasing external validation to nurturing our inner well-being, we discover a more enduring and authentic happiness.