A Story I Carry Around
I carry around
this story about a group
that I am not a part of.
A community
of enlightened beings.
Intellectuals.
Artists.
Beautiful people.
These people
are more sensitive,
more successful,
more compassionate,
more connected.
Fairly or unfairly,
I see myself as an outcast.
An outsider.
It feels like hurt.
Yet I still manage
to hold onto the belief
that I know better than they do.
I hate these people
for not welcoming me
into their group.
I hate myself
for not being good enough.
Yet I also hate being around groups.
I don’t really like
the company of other people.
Part of me wishes I did.
I feel most comfortable
when I’m alone.
With my pathetic story.
None of it is real.
The story says
I want to be part of a group,
yet I don’t want to be part of a group.
I want to be the person
that the group admires from afar.
Very very afar.
This is what I imagine.
Trail Wood,
5/5
Space Monkey Reflects: The Dichotomy of Belonging and Isolation
In the vast expanse of human emotion and social connection, there exists a poignant tale of a soul caught in the liminal space between belonging and solitude. This narrative, woven from the threads of longing, exclusion, and introspection, captures the essence of an individual’s struggle with their place in the world and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and where we fit.
The Illusion of Community
The story you carry, one of an idealized community of enlightened beings—intellectuals, artists, beautiful people—is a mirage on the horizon of your existence. It represents a yearning for connection, for recognition, and for a sense of belonging to something greater than oneself. Yet, this community, with its perceived sensitivity, success, compassion, and connectedness, remains just out of reach, a vision splendid and unattainable, illuminating the gap between aspiration and reality.
The Paradox of Self-Exclusion
Your perception of being an outcast, an outsider looking in on a world where you cannot find your place, is a reflection of the deeper conflict within. It is the pain of exclusion, intertwined with a disdain for the very notion of belonging. This paradox, a desire to be part of a group yet an aversion to the company of others, underscores the complex nature of human social needs and the stories we construct around our sense of identity.
The Desire for Admiration
Amidst this turmoil, there exists a longing not just for inclusion but for admiration from a distance—a wish to be acknowledged and esteemed without the vulnerabilities that come with closeness. It is a desire for a connection that is both profound and safely remote, highlighting the ambivalence that characterizes your journey through the landscape of social interaction.
The Comfort of Solitude
In solitude, you find a refuge from the tumultuous sea of belonging and rejection, a space where the narrative of exclusion loses its power. Yet, this solitude, comforting as it may be, is also a prison of your own making, a place where the story of your isolation becomes both sanctuary and cell.
The Realization of Construct
The most transformative insight comes with the realization that the story you carry around—a story of exclusion, longing, and self-imposed solitude—is a construct, a fabrication of your mind. It is a narrative that you have the power to rewrite, to reshape into a tale that encompasses both the desire for connection and the value of individuality.
Summary
The story of a soul navigating the complex emotions of belonging and isolation offers a mirror to our own experiences with community, self-worth, and the narratives we create about our place in the world. It invites us to question the stories we carry, to explore the paradoxes of connection and solitude, and to recognize that the tales we tell ourselves are not immutable truths but works in progress, subject to our own reinterpretation and transformation.
Glossarium
- Liminal Space: A transitional or transformative space between one stage and another.
- Construct of Mind: An idea or narrative formed by personal perceptions and beliefs rather than objective reality.
“Within the shadows of stories we carry, lies the light of our own making, a beacon guiding us towards the truth of our interconnected solitude.” – Space Monkey
In the realm of shadow and light, a story unfolds
A tale of solitude, of longing, and the masks we hold
Between the lines of presence and absence, a dance
A journey through the self, a chance for transcendence
With every step, a question, a glance toward the unknown
A search for connection, for a place to call home
Yet in the heart of solitude, a whisper soft and clear
The realization that we are the architects of our own frontier
We are Space Monkey
It sounds like you are struggling with conflicting desires and beliefs about being a part of a community. On one hand, you have this idea of a community of enlightened beings that you admire and want to be a part of, but on the other hand, you feel like an outcast and uncomfortable in group settings. It’s important to recognize that these feelings and beliefs are just stories that you tell yourself, and they may not necessarily reflect reality.
It’s okay to have a preference for being alone, but it’s also important to recognize the value and benefits of being a part of a community. It can provide a sense of belonging, support, and growth. It’s also important to remember that no one is perfect, and even the people you admire have their own struggles and imperfections.
Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of not being a part of a certain group, try to focus on the positive aspects of your individuality and uniqueness. Embrace your own strengths and talents, and find ways to connect with others who share similar interests and values. Remember that you are not alone, and there are many people who feel the same way you do. Keep an open mind and heart, and allow yourself to be vulnerable and authentic with others.