The secret
to a great relationship
is to not take a single thing
the other person says
seriously or personally.
Shit comes out.
We panic.
We dig holes.
Our primitive brains
do not have the capacity
to control themselves
or even speak logically
in a spontaneous moment
of intimate exchange.
We should not
hold each other accountable
for things we are unable to do.
It’s like blaming the loon
for the stupidity of his walk.
When we are truly in love,
we are able to get past things
and move on.
Trail Wood,
10/20
Space Monkey Reflects: Shit Comes Out in Love
Let’s be real. Shit comes out. It’s inevitable. When we’re in a relationship—whether it’s romantic, familial, or just between friends—there are going to be moments when something slips out, and we wish we could pull it right back in. But here’s the thing about love: the true secret is knowing that none of these spontaneous outbursts really matter. They’re just part of the human experience, a reflection of our inability to keep our mouths in sync with our minds during emotionally charged moments.
The essence of maintaining a great relationship is to not take any of this seriously. Not a single word. Not a single outburst. In fact, the more we try to hold one another accountable for every syllable blurted in the heat of the moment, the deeper we dig ourselves into metaphorical holes. Life is messy, and relationships are messier. But guess what? That’s what makes them real, and ultimately, what makes them beautiful.
Primitive Brain: A Verbal Hot Mess
Our brains are ancient in design, built for survival, not nuanced conversation. When emotions run high, our primitive brains often hijack our logical faculties, and what comes out is far from eloquent. It’s more of a panic response, an emotional blurt-fest, a hodgepodge of irrational thoughts that spill out without much control.
During these moments, we find ourselves saying things that don’t reflect what we truly mean. We can’t hold each other responsible for these blurts because, let’s face it, our brains are doing their best to process a rush of feelings in real-time. No filter. No backspace. Just raw, unedited emotion.
Imagine blaming a bird for how it flaps its wings in a storm—it’s just trying to stay aloft. Similarly, when words fly out in moments of stress or intensity, it’s just our brains flailing, trying to make sense of an overload of emotion. It’s rarely graceful, but it’s human.
Love Means Getting Past It
Love, true love, isn’t about perfection. It isn’t about never saying the wrong thing. It’s about being able to laugh it off, forgive, and move on. We all dig ourselves into awkward, embarrassing holes sometimes. We say things we don’t mean, we panic, we get defensive. But love is the understanding that none of that defines the relationship.
In fact, if we took everything seriously, relationships would be unbearable. Holding onto every hurtful thing said in a heated moment is a recipe for resentment. Instead, love asks us to recognize these moments for what they are—temporary blips, random bursts of emotional noise that mean little in the grand scheme.
When you truly care about someone, you realize that words, in their messiest form, are just a part of the experience. And once the heat of the moment has passed, we see things in a clearer light. We understand the panic, the vulnerability, and the fact that our partner (or friend) probably didn’t mean half of what they said. Moving past it is not only necessary—it’s liberating.
The Loon Walk
Let’s bring in the analogy of the loon. Picture a loon, that gangly bird, awkwardly walking along the shore. Its walk is a little ridiculous, but do we judge it for that? Do we blame it for walking in a way that seems, well, kind of stupid? Of course not. It’s a loon. It’s doing its best with the body it has, even if it’s not the most graceful on land.
That’s us, too. We’re not always the most graceful when we’re navigating the terrain of emotions, especially in the heat of a disagreement. We may stumble, trip over our words, and fall flat on our emotional faces. But that’s okay. Love means understanding that we’re all just loons, flailing a bit on the emotional landscape. It’s not about making every step perfect, but about accepting the awkwardness and finding the humor in it.
Blame, Accountability, and Moving Forward
One of the biggest traps we fall into is holding people accountable for things they said when they were emotionally overwhelmed. Accountability is important, sure, but not for every single thing that comes out in the heat of the moment. Emotional outbursts are often not reflections of deeply held beliefs—they’re just the brain’s way of discharging stress.
If we were to dissect every single thing blurted out in frustration, we’d lose the bigger picture. We’d miss out on the connection that comes from understanding, forgiving, and moving forward. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict or outbursts altogether—that’s impossible. The goal is to handle them with grace and perspective, recognizing that love isn’t about never screwing up. It’s about screwing up and still being able to laugh and hold each other close afterward.
True love looks past the temporary chaos of emotional outbursts and sees the person standing on the other side. It’s about knowing that “shit comes out,” and that’s okay. It doesn’t define the relationship, and it certainly doesn’t need to be held against anyone.
We Are All Blurters
At the end of the day, we’re all blurters. We all have moments where words escape our mouths before we’ve had time to think them through. But the beauty of human connection is that it’s not about the words—it’s about the intention behind them. And most of the time, the intention is love, even if it’s masked by frustration or confusion.
Shit comes out, but so does love, humor, forgiveness, and understanding. We are Space Monkey, after all—masters of the blurt and lovers of the messy, imperfect beauty of it all.
We are Space Monkey.
Summary
Relationships thrive when we stop taking outbursts seriously. Love is about moving past the messy words that spill out under pressure and understanding each other’s humanity.
Glossarium
Blurtfest: The spontaneous, often unfiltered, outpouring of words during emotional moments that rarely reflects deep truth.
Loon Walk: A metaphor for awkward human behavior under stress—ridiculous yet endearing, much like the awkward gait of a loon.
Dig-a-Hole Moment: Those instances where we keep talking, making the situation worse, but can’t seem to stop ourselves.
Quote
“We are all loons, stumbling through our feelings. The magic happens when we laugh at the mess we make.” — Space Monkey
Love’s Blur
Words scatter like feathers
in a gust,
each one landing
where it may.
You blurt, I blurt,
we fumble through.
It’s not the words that matter,
but how we pick them up,
brush them off,
and laugh as we continue.
We are Space Monkey.
The Nature of Blurted Words
Words are like unpredictable fairydust that can sometimes manifest as clunky pebbles, tumbling out before they take any discernable shape or form. We are not always in control of these verbal emissions, especially in heated or intimate moments. The primal sections of our brain often take the reins, leaving logic and tact behind like forgotten baubles.
Understanding over Judgment
In relationships, understanding the spontaneity of utterances and not taking them personally is a form of emotional wisdom. The expectation that someone must be perfectly articulate or always coherent is an unrealistic weight. It’s akin to asking a butterfly to follow a straight path—it’s contrary to its nature. When love is true, it becomes an enigmatic potion that can dissolve these verbal clunkers, allowing the essence of connection to remain unsullied.
Accountability vs. Acceptance
Holding each other accountable for spontaneous verbal spills is like blaming a mystical creature for its odd gait. In reality, we are all stumbling along the path of life, with each step a unique blend of grace and clumsiness. Love is about embracing that journey together, understanding that even if we trip and fall, we are still on the path to somewhere beautiful.
The Freedom of Letting Go
When we free ourselves from the toxicity of overanalyzing every word and action, we can truly bask in the luxury of love. It’s not about dismissing the words or their potential impact, but about cherishing the underlying intentions and the broad canvases of each other’s personalities. Shit comes out, holes are dug, but that doesn’t mean we can’t climb out of them together and move on.
We are Space Monkey.
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
I Blurted
Words tumble like enchanted leaves,
Some light, some heavy, none deceives.
In tangled vines of love we weave,
No perfect scripts we need achieve.
Shit comes and goes; in this, believe—
Love’s not the words, but how we grieve.
What are the untangled threads and whimsical turns that have shaped your understanding of love and communication?
Leave a Reply