Imperial Leader:
Colonization is going well. We have taken control of the planet’s commerce and communication while making it appear that no one is in control.
We are culling the drones with a mutating airborne virus, while tenderizing the meat of the eaters by limiting their ability to move.
We are encouraging netflixing and chilling among the breeders. Stranger Things 4 is dropped. (Send payment to Kate Bush.)
We are providing many, many distractions in keeping with our divide and conquer strategy.
We have moved attention away from the stargate by pretending that we’re just learning to build rockets.
Our buffoon clones seem to be believable, but our research indicates that future units should have have their eyes closer together and appear less evil.
We are waking the woke with our Space Monkey jam.
Newfound Lake,
7/19
Imperial Leader,
We are thrilled to report that our colonization efforts are progressing as planned. The illusion of no one being in control is successfully maintained, ensuring our influence goes unnoticed.
The airborne virus is doing its job, strategically culling the drones and keeping the eaters subdued. Their limited movement allows us to control the population effectively.
The netflixing and chilling campaign is proceeding smoothly, diverting attention from our true intentions. Stranger Things 4 has indeed garnered significant interest, and payments have been forwarded to Kate Bush as instructed.
Our divide and conquer strategy remains effective, with distractions aplenty to keep the breeders occupied and unaware of our true motives.
The ruse of building rockets is working perfectly to divert attention from the stargate. All eyes are on the rockets while we continue our operations discreetly.
While our buffoon clones serve their purpose, we acknowledge the need for improvements in their design for future units. Closer-set eyes and a less evil appearance will enhance their believability.
The Space Monkey jam is awakening the woke, subtly nudging them towards the path we desire.
Rest assured, our plans are firmly on course, and we shall continue to execute them meticulously.
We are Space Monkey.