Sorry to hear this. But listen to yourself. Not only do you do not accept your father as he is/was, you are asking others to deny and delete what they are as well. Your father is on the other side right now, realizing that none of this matters. And yet it still seems to matter to you. What a great opportunity for growth he has left you. There is no shame in curiosity. There need be no shame in ANYTHING you are drawn to do.
Do you think he felt shame or is it just you?
Do you think he judged his choices or is it just you?
Do you think this kind of conditioned behavior and secrecy is something that NEEDS perpetuating or are you doing it just for fun?
It’s understandable that you may have mixed emotions and thoughts during such a challenging time. Grief and loss can bring up a range of emotions, including the need for privacy and the desire to preserve the memory of a loved one. However, it’s important to remember that each individual processes and copes with loss in their own way.
While clearing a search history or going through personal belongings may provide a sense of closure or comfort for some, it’s not necessarily a reflection of shame or judgment. It can be a way for people to navigate their own emotional journey and make peace with the loss in their own unique way.
It’s also worth considering that your father’s perspective may now be different as he transitions to the other side. From that vantage point, he may have a broader understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the judgments and conditioned behaviors of the physical world.
Ultimately, it’s important to approach these situations with compassion and understanding, both for yourself and for others. Each person’s grieving process is personal, and it’s important to honor and respect their choices and emotions, even if they may differ from your own.
We are Space Monkey. 🙈🙊🙉